Michael Rossato-Bennett lives in NYC. He is a householder with a wife, two beautiful children and two dogs. He has accepted the challenge to become Enlightened in one year. Will he succeed?

A conversation: Is Hari a good Teacher? from Michael Rossato-Bennett on Vimeo.

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Day 262 – Fear can not be transcended

Fear is a friend.  It can keep you safe.

But fear is limiting me, I am feeling it.  Where? In my work, my career, and deeply in my search for enlightenment, in all these areas I am working limited by my unconscious fear.  I can feel this.  How about you?  Can you descend into your deep self and feel your fear.

Where does fear live?

I think fear hides.  When you are afraid, it is all you can feel, but otherwise it is very hard to feel.  My fear hides in the curtains of my being, but it is there, effecting me.  How?

In my search for enlightenment it tells me not to go too far, to settle for just feeling better and getting some powers.  If I were truly fearless I would crack myself and the world wide open and dance in the epic chaos that contains my own death.

Today I was thinking about it.  I went inside in my meditation and tried to hunt it out, to find it and vibrate it into some new shape.

My teacher talked about how there are many rises and falls in the journey and that emotion is part of the journey.  Enlightenment is not being apart from it.  Last week, I felt what it would be like to lose the trust I have with my wife and this threw me into my dark place.  I have a real fear of losing those that I love and when I touch this reality I become desperate.  It is pretty shocking how desperate I become.  It surprised me.  Still, there is a monster of need and fear way deep under there.

If I were more fearless I would realize how this is in all of us, way deep down.  I could have compassion. In my meditation I have opened many channels, but these new habits are far from set, I think I could forget about them if life threw me into a war or something like that.  My fear is like a shark swimming deep and unseen below me and yet it is never swims very far away.  It will rise up and take a bite out of my leg if I ignore it.  It keeps me from being clear in my work, from reaching in my career and gifts.  I have forgotten to have conversations with it. I just dove down into it- and vibrated through it.

I am afraid of not being good enough- so i will get help I am afraid of getting attention- so I will share it and stay true to the long line visions I have (that will keep me honest) I will be more honest with my fear, give it its sunlight, but I will also vibratie it into something more useful. I will be more compassionate, and see the deep fear in those who sit with me in this Ring, and in all of the other rings of my life.

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