Michael Rossato-Bennett lives in NYC. He is a householder with a wife, two beautiful children and two dogs. He has accepted the challenge to become Enlightened in one year. Will he succeed?

A conversation: Is Hari a good Teacher? from Michael Rossato-Bennett on Vimeo.

4

Seva

My teacher has given me an assignment-

Go out and do Seva.

What is Seva?  Apparently it is doing good.  She says it is necessary, it is more important than the Yoga.

It kinda pisses me off.  I am so selfish.  I get what she is saying, that the Yoga even though it is hard, that it is still about me, my energy, my body, and that I have to BE somewhere else.  I get it that she is trying to push me out of my self involved world, that she wants me to open to others.  My selfishness is real. Part of me feels I don’t have time to do more good.  I feel like I am having a hard enough time doing good in my own family!

What am I supposed to do?  go out and help others and leave my family alone while I do it?  I am confused!  If I go out… won’t I be taking away from my family?

If my hair were this big I could share myself more too...

I know I am a good Dad, but I am really aware of my limits.  My capacity to stand in myself powerfully and be a teacher by example for my children is painfully obvious to me…   I have not forgotten why I started this…  I am no where near being the man I want to be for my son…

How do I do this?  How can I give more when I have spent a life believing in my own emptiness?  I am not like Link in the photo- I am a half empty vessel…  I wish I were different!  I wish I had a huge well of love inside, but I don’t!

I love the Yoga, because for a moment I feel like there is energy that I am part of!   It goes against everything I learned as a child, against all the crazy safety I made for myself!!!

(I remember being 5 and then 9 and then 12 and then 16 and saying to myself- just hold on.. someday it will be different… just wait… someday you will not be so alone…  someday…)

I feel like I am only barely making progress in myself and now Hari wants me to go out and be Mother Teresa!  Is she crazy?

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